Real Stories from Real Parents, Grandparents, Teachers, and other Carers about their children's behaviors.

Dear Noel-

THANKS- I read your book and use it as my resource book. God bless!

Vimala

Hi Noel,
I bought your book on the 6th of January and I read it the first night. Since then there has not been a temper tantrum in this house (there used to be lots of them before). My 10 year old daughter has a really difficult temper. Thanks to your book I changed my way of interacting with her, I put into practice your advice about praise and compliments and it worked wonders. It was not easy at first because I was very angry with her for her constant bad behaviour, but I managed to find a few good things to complement her for.

I wanted to put the 1-2-3-magic into practice, but there is no way that she would do a “time out” in times of anger. Instead we made up a list of privileges that she can enjoy: rent 2 videos a week (TV watching is not allowed in our house), bying 1 magazine a month, pocket money etc. I explained to her that these previleges were connected with some obligations such as “controlling your temper”.

I explained that privileges will be taken away from her if I get to “3″.

She ´s been about to fall into temper tantrums a few times but the counting has helped to stop them on time (even though she continued grumpy).
Big improvements and just put a few things into practice.
Great book
Ingrid Rowshan. Bilbao, Spain

Hi Noel

Thank you very much. I implemented parts of the morning strategies

today and it really helped - will be reading more of it today!
Jenny

DEAR NOEL THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAILS AND FOR THE BOOK .WE ARE HALF WAY THROUGH READING IT JUST NOW . I AM SURE YOU HAVE HAD A CAMERA IN MY HOME FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS AS ALL YOU DESCRIBE DESCRIBES MY HOME LIFE.

I HAVE SOUGHT THE HELP OF DOCTORS, HEALTH VISITORS AND FRIENDS WITH NO IMPROVEMENT. UNLESS YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH A RECOGNISED ILLNESS OR WHO IS DISRUPTIVE AT SCHOOL NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND HOW TERRIBLE HOMELIFE CAN BE WITH A DISRUPTIVE CHILD. MY SON IS THE PERFECT SCHOOL PUPIL WELL MANNERED PERFECT GRANDSON ,FRIEND YET IN THE HOUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR IS TERRIBLE MY HUSBAND AND I TRY VERY HARD TO WORK AS A TEAM BUT OFTEN END UP DISAGREEING AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE TO MY SON I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS WHO ARE VERY WELL BEHAVED AT HOME AND I THINK THIS MAKES THINGS EVEN HARDER FOR MY SON LATELY HE HAS BECOME VERY VIOLENT TO ME AND THIS IS REALLY UPSETTING MY OLDEST DAUGHTER WHO IS 10

I HAVE TRIED TO FIND REASONS FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR AND BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE MANY FACTORS . I DEMAND MANNERS, AND ALTHOUGH I BELEIVE MYSELF TO BE VERY LOVING WITH LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES I WORK FULL TIME AS A NURSE THAT INVOLVES EARLY STARTS AND BURN OUT BY THE END OF A BUSY WEEK I ALSO GET VERY EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED IN WHAT I DO AND AT TIMES CAN NOT TURN OFF FROM MY WORK

ALSO THE STREET THAT WE LIVE IN HAS NO BOYS FOR HIM TO PLAY WITH AS A RESULT ALL THE TREE CLIMBING ,FOOTBALL AND OTHER BOYS GAMES HAVE MADE HIM STAND OUT TO ANGRY NEIGHBOARS WHO GET BALLS IN THEIR FLOWER BEDS ETC

SORRY I AM GOING ON AND ON I WILL KEEP YOU UP TO DATE ON OUR PROGRESS AND WILL KEEP GOING WITH YOUR GUIDELINES FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES

FROM

NOREEN

Dear Dr. Swanson (Noel?),

Thanks for your inquiry about my download–it went smoothly and easily. I have started reading and I keep stopping to print important points or share something with my husband. We both believe you are right on–you could be writing about our family! It’s reassuring to realize that there must be thousands (millions?) of families in our boat. Anyway, it feels good to know that someone understands, and that help is available if we can master the steps.

By the way, I immediately printed the guides and forms in the Appendix. Those alone are worth the $37! You have great insight, and obviously have the right values.

P.S. I’m assuming you’re from the U.K. My mother (mum,to you!) was born in Manchester.

Yes, I was able to download it. I really liked your point about the bank acct. That really gave me a new perspective. So, although I am not done w/ the book and have not implemented all of the suggestions, I have found that I have been using some of them. You have given me some ideas on how to better use those strategies or at least to know what I am doing is right. I have tried to start each day anew this wk. and to really try to focus on the positive things my son does. I have noticed his attitude is much different when I focus on the positive. He is only 5, but he is the oldest of 3 kids. He has 2 sisters, age 3 and 5mths. He is very good w/ the baby, but him and his 3yr old sister fight like cats and dogs. But they really do love each other b/c if, one is somewhere and the other didn’t go, they are always asking where the other is. They also stick up for each other against other kids. They go to the same daycare and are on the playground together.

Natalie

wow i never thought about how we can encourage kids to confess through positive reinforcement, however, we need to encourage the kids how to behave appropriate around other kids through no punishment regarding the incident of inappropriate behavior such as throwing stone? how can i give the kid positive reinforcement for their honesty and at the same time there should be a consequence for the particular misbehavior. On other hand, if the kid knew there will be a consequence, the kid might as well lie to avoid the consequence. Then i thought more about it and realize the consequence has to be accurate for the behavior (response cost) something like that. i heard it from someone else that response cost is one of good way to encourage kids to improve compliant behavior…. interesting article! ur right i do recognize this because when i was younger i tend to avoid the punishment by lying then ended up receiving double punishment but i continued doing this with a hope to get away with it. it is like gambling game.

thanks

jaz

Dear Dr. Noel,

Thanks a ton for your ultimate guidance. I read your mail. It is really excellent & workable + result-oriented.

I wish all the best to you & a successful coming life.

Best wishes & Regards,

Pradeep Kumar

Kampala - Uganda

East Africa.

Thanks so much for following up, Noel.

I actually read about 60 pages of the book yesterday and told my wife (who is also eager to read the book) that I’m excited about what I’ve read already. We’ve had a few crises lately, mostly involving our ADHD, 9-year-old son. But our 6-year-old daughter does not get off the hook either. They’re both wonderful kids and your book has already reinforced in me that they don’t do what they do to make life difficult for us. They’re just doing “what they want to do”. But that was my exact plan, to read the entire book, let my wife read the entire book, discuss it and then put the plan into action.

Our specific struggles with our son are over taking his ADHD medicine each morning and resistance to doing his homework. I love the fact that you stress FUN in your book because that’s what I want our family to be– FUN! Hope all’s well with you and your family. Thanks for your expertise and your book!

Tim Perry

Certified Legal Video Specialist

Noel

First of all I would like to say I have really enjoyed your news letters. You always seem to make things clearer and your advise never seems impossible or unrealistic. We don’t have an exact family night in our house hold, but we do make sure we have fun with our kids. I have a 7 year old who lives with me full time and my boyfriend has a 5 year old we get every other week. The boys love to play UNO, so we play with them at least a couple of times a week. I think this time really helps to bring us together as a family.

I would also like to comment on your letter about children and lying. I also have an 11 year old son who lives with his father in Texas(we live in Washington). I don’t get to see him as often as I would like, but we do keep in touch by phone (although his father thinks we only need to talk when Geoff is in trouble). Last time I got to talk to him was right before you sent out the news letter on lying. I so wished I had my ex-husbands e-mail address to forward it on to him. Geoff had explained to me he had gotten in trouble for lying about a pop tart wrapper. His father found it in his room and Geoff said he could not remember where he had gotten it from. The next morning Geoff went to him and told his father he remembered he had gotten it from his friend across the street. Geoff’s punishment was that they took everything out of his room and he has to earn it back. My ex-husband seems to think our son is a liar. After reading your letter it made sense on why a child is so quick to lie at first about something. Honestly I don’t know if your letter would have helped my ex to understand it since he already knows everything and is always right, but it has helped me in how I ask the other children in my life questions.

Thank you for your letters and I always enjoy looking for them coming through.

Valerie