By Dr. Noel Swanson
So how has it gone this week?Did you drown in the stress and chaos of daily life, or were you able to step back and think more strategically about what the future might hold for you and your family?
Were you able to spend a bit of time thinking about what it might take to achieve the goals and dreams you are hoping for?
Those goals might be about your children – seeing them grow up to be polite, helpful, responsible, educated, etc.
Or they may be about yourself – to be confident, happy, to have a good marriage and good friends, to enjoy your work or your job.
Or they may be about your possessions – to be debt free, to live in a nice house, drive a nice car, or to have the holidays you have dreamed of.
You see, it doesn’t really matter what your goals are, the process of getting there is the same:
1. You have to decide where it is you want to get to. You wouldn’t get on a bus or train without first checking that it is going to the right destination, so why would you get on life without also checking where it is taking you?
2. Once you have decided on your goals, your destination, you then have to figure out the means, the method, the vehicle that is best suited to take you there. If you are planning on going to China, you will need a boat or plane. If it is just the next town you are aiming for, then a bus or taxi might do. If you have goals for your kids, then you need to be thinking about developing your parenting skills, not just sitting them in front of the TV all day.
Of course, figuring out the means of getting to the goal is often an ongoing learning process. Only as you start to learn do you really discover what else you will need to know before you will succeed. And you will probably make many mistakes along the way. But remember, a mistake is only a failure if it leads you to give up. Otherwise it is merely a learning experience that will make you wiser and better skilled next time. Welcome your mistakes and use them – if you are not making any mistakes then, most likely, you are not learning anything new.
3. As you keep your goal in mind, and as you figure out the way to get to it, you then have to take ACTION! No use just dreaming, DO SOMETHING! You an only start to steer your bicycle once it is moving – first start pedaling, THEN learn to steer it towards your goals.
And as you do so, keep going back to step 2 to refine your knowledge and skill.
4. Be prepared to pay the fare. Don’t expect to get to China by airplane if you refuse to pay the ticket price. Similarly, don’t expect to achieve ANY of your goals unless you are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices. – That might be time, money, effort. It might be breaking and making friendships, moving home, changing schools.
If you don’t want to do that, well, then probably the goal you had in mind is not that important to you after all. You say you want to go to China, but you only want to spend $20? Well, they you will either have to work your way there, which may take several years, or you will have to abandon that goal, and seek an easier one.
But don’t then complain that you haven’t arrived where you wanted to be!
So that’s it! You want your children to behave? Follow those steps. You want to be happier and more confident? Follow these steps. You want more money? Follow these steps?
Now, before we go, I want to talk a bit about your rights. You see, it amazes me that people seem to think it is their RIGHT to have well behaved children, to have good health, a good job, a good home, a happy family.
Whatever gave them that idea?
As a society we have decided that we don’t like to see people destitute, and so those who have money have agreed, by way of taxes, to pay for some services for those that have no money. Why? Because, on the whole, it seems to make for a better functioning society.
But that does not mean that every time someone has a problem they can expect someone else to bail them out for free! Why should they?
Yet constantly I come across people who seem to expect that someone ELSE should DO SOMETHING to fix their kids and their miserable home life, while they, themselves, are not prepared to do any of the 4 steps above!!! AND they expect it for FREE! Not surprisingly, these are the very families that fail to achieve the goals they dream of.
This newsletter I write, for example. It takes me about 2 hours a week to write it. It goes to you for free. I try to make it as helpful and useful as I can. I believe I do achieve that, as I get countless emails saying so.
But you know what? I also get email from people complaining that: a) the advice is too superficial and, b) it is only an advertisement for my book
Well, for the advice to be more than superficial, I would have to write a book – oh, come to think of it, I already did!
And then they want me to give that deep advice (ie the book) to them for free!
Well, lets look at that for a moment. To be able to write that book, I did the following: a. 10 years of medical education and higher training b. 20 years of clinical experience c. 17 years experience raising kids, one of who had major difficulties (Aspergers and Tourettes) d. plus the time it took to actually write the book.
So, if they want the information and experience that is contained in the book for free, all they have to do is what I did.
Or they could pay just $37 to get it.
If that seems too much, well, then I guess their goal of having better behaved children is not so important to them after all. If it were, they would find a way to raise the money.
But there is another principle at play – how much value do you place on stuff you get for free? Not a lot, eh? So if they were to get the book for free, they almost certainly wouldn’t follow the instructions in it (seems like too much work). And what results would they get then?
But suppose I were to put UP the price of the book? Suppose I were to sell it for, say, $497? Do you think that if you invested that amount of money in a manual to teach you how to have well behaved children you would just toss it aside after a brief glance? Much more likely you would study it carefully so as to extract your full money’s worth out of it. And you know what?
You would get your money’s worth.
Well, sorry if it seems I have been rambling on here. But I hope that you are able to take home some very important principles here.
And yes, if you are still sitting on the fence about whether or not you should invest in the book, you need to ask yourself what are you goals for your children? Do you know how to achieve them, or not? If you do, then go and do it. If not, how will you learn? How important is this to you?
Then get the book from here:
One final point. Many of you probably wondered why on earth I sent you over to:
since that seems to be only about making money?
Well, as I said above, the four steps are the same, whatever your goals. The Midas Method, while primarily focusing on money as a goal, will help you to achieve ANY of your goals. So, unless you are completely content with your lot in life, and have no ambition for any change of any sort, then that book will be of help to you.
Which is why I recommended it.
Go over and take another look at it (hmm, again, maybe I should put the price to $497 so people take it more seriously).
Quite frankly, if you are not prepared to invest in one or other of these books to make your life better, then maybe it is time to ask yourself why you have subscribed to this newsletter. The unsubscribe link is at the bottom.
Well there it is! Maybe a bit strong for some of you, but I only write what I believe in, and am doing you no favors if I hold back on the truth!
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website on Expert Parenting Advice.